


Desperate

by ZeoNyph



Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: Slight Canon Deviancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:47:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26212882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeoNyph/pseuds/ZeoNyph
Summary: Sometimes, desperation is the only thing that she needs to get out of her shell.
Relationships: AJ | Alvin Jr. & Clementine (Walking Dead), Clementine & Javier García
Kudos: 15





	Desperate

**Author's Note:**

> One-shot. Written for the 'Desperation' fanfic contest at r/TWDGFanfic.

Clementine did many things over the past few years. Sometimes they were cold, and calculated, like that time where she almost let Ava die to a horde of walkers for the supplies she had. Sometimes they were influenced by others, like how Kenny convinced her to leave him behind to give her and AJ safety in Wellington, even if it broke her heart. Sometimes she had to do them because she had no choice, because she wouldn’t have **_dared_ ** to leave Lee behind and let him roam as a walker, so she decided to shoot him.

Sometimes she did those things because she was **desperate.**

Why else did she join the New Frontier with AJ when Ava gave her a chance? They’d become **desperate** , starvation and dehydration leaving her and AJ almost no choice but to join their ranks, with the promise of a warm meal and all the comfort she’d need to raise AJ, give him the life she’d never be able to give if they spent the night hiding in an abandoned car, or sleeping out in the open with no-one to protect them.

Why else did she go against Lingard’s advice and inject that medicine into AJ? She was **_desperate_ ** , because he was **dying** , and she would rather _die_ and lose everything than let her little goofball _die_ because she wasn’t willing to take the only fucking chance she had to save him. Fuck the New Frontier, and fuck the poor soul who needed that medicine in the future, but for Clementine, AJ came first, and nobody, not even David and Lingard, would come in her way.

But they did in the end, and she lost her goofball, her light in the endless dark, that spark of hope that had vanished with Lee all those years ago. She could have spit in David’s face, punched him, stabbed him with her knife even, because she was **_desperate_ **, desperate because she was about to lose AJ, and by God did she love that kid. But for some reason, for the first time in her life, desperation didn’t cloud her actions. Even now, she doesn’t know why she didn’t fight back, but maybe, she knew. She knew that AJ would be safe in the hands of those that had what was necessary for him, she knew that in order to keep AJ alive, she had to leave him behind in David’s hands. If she truly loved him, that’s what she had to do.

It was even harder when she heard AJ say “Clem” for the first time.

The first few days were the worst. “It was for the best, Clementine.” she’d often say to herself, in the hopes that it’d somehow justify her leaving AJ to those fuckers. She woke up every morning, expecting to see AJ cooped up next to her, sleeping with a happy look on his face, only to find empty space next to her, with nothing but the memory of him next to her. Ava had told her about Prescott, and the people there, but she didn’t feel like going anymore. What was the point, now that AJ was no longer with her?

It must have been a week or two since her exile, when she was weak, when her supplies started to run out, and when she was running on fumes, when she decided.

Decided that enough was enough.

Decided that no matter what happens to her, she will get AJ back.

And for the first time since losing AJ, she felt **desperate**. Desperate to see her goofball one last time before she goes away into the dark.

So she got up, determined to get her kid back. She headed back to where the New Frontier was last camped out, a few miles south-east of Richmond, only to find an empty clearing, any traces of activity having long since vanished.

Her vision went red.

“No, no, no…” she said, eyes blurring up as she ran into the clearing. “Fuck!” her voice echoed into the woods as she slammed her fists into the forest floor, eliciting a groan from a lone walker. It came up towards her, and in a fit of almost inhuman rage, she ran towards it, grabbing her knife and stabbing it through the side of the head, sending it crumbling down with the force.

That wasn’t enough.

“Fuck you, David!” she screams, plunging her knife through the walker’s eyeball, spraying bits of flesh and blood across the ground.

“YOU!” _Stab._ “TOOK HIM!” _Stab. “_ AWAY!” _Stab_ . “FROM!” _Stab_. “ME!”

The blood was splattered across her clothes, her face, and most of it was spread across her hands. The walker’s face was completely disfigured, nothing but a bloody pump. Her stabs had been erratic, going everywhere across its face.

But she didn’t stop. 

She screamed and screamed and stabbed and stabbed until the blade broke off the handle and lodged itself in the walker’s head and she still bashed the head with her fists and the blood got in her eyes and mouth and tears were falling and the world was crumbling around her in a haze of red and red was all she saw and her fists were throbbing and bloodied and she lost AJ-

_She lost AJ._

It was too late. They’d gone and took him with them.

Too late.

She stumbled back from the walker, its face having all but vanished with bits of it scattered across the grass, its neck being the only reminder that a face even existed. The blade was on the ground, where the walker’s face had once been, a perfect crimson red like Clementine’s hands.

She was on the floor now, staring at the sky with blurry eyes.

It was clear, with the smallest of clouds scattered across like flicking paint on a canvas of blue.

It was a new day.

She looked at her hands again. Red. Red all over. She’s a monster. If Lee saw her like this, he’d be ashamed at having been the one who taught her everything.

 _You’re not fit to take care of AJ,_ a part of her spoke, its voice haunting and low. _There’s too much blood on your hands. What would Alvin and Rebecca think when they see AJ gone?_

No.

_You’re desperate, aren’t you?_

No, she’s not.

_There’s no denying the fact, Clementine. You wanna see him, don’t you? Wanna hold him in your hands? Raise him like a mother would?_

Yes. She does.

_But you can’t, can you? He’s gone. Simple as that. Think about it. He was sick. He’d die. Medicine or no medicine, he’d die. And you’d never stop it._

No, that’s not true. It can’t be. **It won’t be.**

_Why so fucking desperate, Clementine? You can’t give him the life he deserves. You never will. He’s gone. He’ll never come back._

He’s gone.

It was then that the tears exploded with full force.

She sobbed furiously, each sob wracking her body, as she let all the grief, all the rage out of her body.

 _My little goofball_. 

He was gone, and for the first time in years, Clementine was alone.

* * *

_A few months later..._

The wind blew across Clementine’s face as she dragged the saw across the muddy floor, her shotgun holstered on her back. She had found it in what seemed to be a house in construction, with bundles of wood planks nearby and construction supplies scattered across. The house itself was starting to age, with moss covering the walls and roof along with patches of fungi. Whoever was building the house probably made off when the walkers started to roam, and for Clementine it was a good thing; she found some food cans and a neat screwdriver to stab some walkers with.

Then, near a tree that seemed to have it’s trunk cut halfway through, she found a long saw that was haphazardly thrown onto the floor. Picking up the saw, an idea suddenly struck her head.

She had gone to Prescott and met Tripp and Conrad, who treated her suspiciously on account of all the blood on her clothes, and began to trade any supplies she could find outside for food, a nice bath, or some bullets, as she just did with Eli. But that wasn’t enough. She heard rumors of a military cache somewhere out in Washington DC with enough food and weapons for a small army. And she wanted to get the fuck out of Virginia too.

So when she found the saw, she remembered that vehicles sometimes crossed a road that lead to Richmond, the road itself being a mile or two away from her location. So she picked it up and left as soon as she could, because she was excited (something she hadn’t been in a long time) and because the house was starting to remind her of an unfinished cabin that stood in front of an icy lake filled with death.

And here she was, positioning the saw to cut a tree that was right next to the road. She saw a truck pass by some time ago, and it was her best bet at finding a way out of Virginia into DC. And she wasn’t gonna let the opportunity pass by.

She pushed and pulled the saw towards her, cutting the trunk.

Push. Pull.

Push. Pull.

Push. Pull

The tree was halfway cut, and Clementine was sweating furiously. It was almost done; just a few cuts and it’ll crumble down and stop the truck in its tracks. She stopped for a moment, catching a breath and grabbing an apple from her rucksack. _This is it, Clem,_ she thinks. _Your chance to make it big._ _Do it for AJ._

AJ.

That goofball. She loved him so much, but he was gone. Dead.

Of course she’d do it for him.

The girl was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she almost missed the telltale rumbling of the truck increasing in volume. Hurriedly, she grabbed the saw and started cutting, desperation boosting her speed.

Push. Pull. The truck was getting closer.

Push. Pull. Closer…

Push! Pull! The trunk was fully cut and she gave it a hard push, sending it crashing down.

She was a bit too late, however. The driver sped past the tree, almost getting crushed by it, and ran straight into a ditch.

_Shit. There it goes._

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me…” the brunette mutters under her breath as she runs towards the truck, seeing two silhouettes come out, one armed and the other running away. The armed man aims at the other silhouette, ready to fire, but lowers it soon after, allowing him to run away.

This was her chance.

She silently grabs her shotgun and points it at the armed man’s back. He freezes, muttering a “Fuck…” as he looks behind.

“Yeah, all right.” the man says, dropping the gun.

_Stay cool, Clementine._

“That’s right, just keep looking forward.” she replies, staring down the man.

They remain silent for a few moments.

“Hey, I’m no threat to you. I surrender, okay?” he says, clearly fed up.

“That’s obvious. Seeing as you didn’t shoot that guy.”

He looks back, and for the first time Clementine gets a good look at his eyes. There’s something familiar about it, something she can’t quite remember. The girl hides her apprehension by reaching for the gun he dropped.

Then suddenly, it clicked.

There was desperation in his eyes. Not the kind that says he’d kill for some supplies, like Clementine’s, but the kind that she had with AJ all those months ago.

“You alone?” she asks. “Or part of a group?”

“Yeah. I was with my family when these _pendejos_ ambushed us.” he replies, motioning to where that other man vanished from. 

_Family._ She was right, then.

“You’ve got family?”

“Yeah, my brother’s wife, and my nephew and niece. Those bastards separated us, trying to get me away someplace, until that tree fell… which I’m assuming was your handiwork by the way, so thanks.”

“No problem.”

Maybe this was what she needed. Just one push, one person, to let whatever fragile facade of indifference she built crumble down to nothing. Fuck the supplies, fuck the truck even, but she knew that she could trust this man. Holstering the gun, she offered her hand to him, eliciting a surprised look from the man. “I’m Clementine.” she says.

She might have lost AJ, but she sure as hell won’t let someone else lose family.

-FIN-


End file.
